Eye Heart You
by RaeAnne
Summary: GC Just another variation on the events leading up to the ending moments of Inside The Box. Romance all the way. UPDATED 4-15-05 FINISHED
1. Earl Gray and Leather

**TITLE:** Eye Heart You  
**AUTHOR:** RaeAnne  
**RATING:** PG  
**SPOILERS: **Lady Heathers Box, Inside the Box

**DISCLAIMER: **Characters not mine, story is. Song not mine, sung by Faith Hill, I don't know who wrote it….not me though that's for sure. Please don't sue.

**Author's Note: **Hi :-) Here is my second CSI: story I hope you enjoy. It's a cheesy romance (my personal favorite) so please don't be disappointed since there is NO plot or anything deep. Oh, I picture Lindsey being about 5 or so in this story, I know not her real age, but I am not an conformist. I know stories based on In Side The Boxare done frequently, but come the Gil/Cath moments are classic and perfect. Enjoy and please, please, please leave me some feedback! I do love it so! Thanks- RaeAnne

**PART ONE:  
****Earl Gray and Leather**

_Fall is here now; it's chilly, reminding me that I am alone again tonight. My once steaming cup of Earl Gray tea is now barely warm. Traces of the sugar still on my lips, the deep colored liquid looking as empty as my heart._

_Eddie is gone, he will never touch me again, and he'll never hurt me again. My daughter wonders where her father is…and why I cry at night. My home is silent something I am not used to, I don't suppose I'll ever be used to it. Looking around I remember it being filled with my cries, my cries to Eddie to stop, to please stop. These memories haunt me even now in my most serene moments. It will be six months tomorrow since Eddie's physical death and so much longer since his emotional death to me. I grieve not for me but for my daughter who will grow up without her father…but maybe for me too in a way. I grieve for the memories we had when it was right, before everything went so wrong._

_But was anything with Eddie ever right? Anything worth while, I mean besides my daughter?_

_Lindsey, my little girl, she must be in bed now, though Nancy does let her stay up later then I do. Oh, I love that little girl!_

_The sky is so dark tonight, I normally would be at the lab now, and I wish I was. Too much time to myself, too much time without something to do makes me insane. In the rush and the flurry of activity, I don't have to think. I don't have to fight off the demon's of past. I wonder what everyone is doing now._

_You know I have a dream, a dream with a scruffy beard, eyes of blue so brilliant and vibrant they put the ocean to shame, he's not all that tall…5'11", this dream of mine finds bugs are better company then most humans, he has better interaction with genius level (he adamantly denies they are genius, only advanced) crosswords then most times with me. My dream has a boyish grin that sends me to cloud nine, my dream sees all of me, not just the surface, not just the worldly me, but all of me. My dream becomes my fantasy when he wears leather._

_This dream of mine is my best friend, I love him because he believed in me, in my potential, I love him because he still believes in me and in my ability… in me._

**verse one**

_My now forgotten tea makes me remember a day that happened so long ago it should have melted into my past, but it hasn't.It had been a night much like this only it rained. The first rain after a summer long drought, I saw the rain from my little apartment window, I couldn't resist it. Clad only in shorts and black tank top I raced for the park across from the building. I danced in the freezing October rain, barefoot in the brown grass, laughing like a loon. Not seeing the brown haired man bent beneath a tree._

_I heard shuffling; I stopped my ridiculous twirling in the sheeting rain and turned to find a man knelt in the ever mudding ground. There was something compelling about the man, he drew me to him like some super human gravitational pull. But what do you say to man knee deep in mud?_

_"Hey did you know that, that tree is a Bristlecone Pine? It's the state tree," I grinned at him stupidly hands linked behind me, wet hair plastered to my head._

_He lifted deep blue eyes towards me making me shiver…I thought at the time it was the fact I was soaked and the temp was somewhere around fifty._

_He almost looked shy, he just stared at me for an agonizing minute._

_"Actually, its one of the state trees…" he replied softly gaze falling, "the other is the single leaf pinon."_

_I arched an eyebrow, could this guy be for real? I had no idea what the state tree was, and I doubted anybody else really would either…all I knew that that tree was a Bristlecone Pine._

_"Oh…" I answered toeing the ground wanting to keep talking to the man who was like no one else I had ever met. Sure he stared at me, but not like the other guys, he didn't stare at my chest, my legs or other wise…he just looked me in the face, in my eyes…he made me shiver because it felt like he was viewing my soul._

_"So whatcha, looking for?" I finally asked stepping under the tree to inspect, my curiosity getting the better of me._

_"Gastropoda…of the sub class Pulmonata…" he spoke words the sounded Greek to me…turned out it was._

_I just looked at him in pure befuddlement, wondering if I should have asked. It was then that I got my very first glimpse of the most perfect, seductive, yet innocent grin I had ever seen, "Slugs," he grinned at me._

_"Slugs?" I can only imagine the look on my face._

_"Mmm, hmm," he nodded as if it was the most common thing in the world to be looking for._

_"You want some help?" Yeah it surprised me as much as it did him, to hear those words leave my mouth._

_By this time, I was trying to rub warmth back into nearly numb arms, giving up on my legs. I still can't completely account for my actions that night all I can say is …"the gastropoda made me do it", or maybe and most likely it was that man's grin and blue eyes._

_"You'd freeze to death, besides why would you want to help me look for slugs?" he questioned speculatively._

_I stuck out my chin and huffed as I replied "Never mind, if you don't want my help…" I turned away praying he'd ask me to stay._

_"Wait, I'm sorry, please stay, if you really want to that is," his voice deep and warm tickled my ears._

_I spun around a wide smile on my face. He had stood and was removing his heavy jacket, "But you have to wear this or you'll be sick for a month," he smiled tenderly offering the coat._

_I didn't fight him, partly because I was very cold and partly because there was no way, I could say no to this handsome man's plea. I just took this strangers coat, allowing myself to breath in his manly scent, feeling the warmth that his body had left warm me._

_On our knees, we dug for slugs. Thinking about it now still makes me laugh, the picture we must have made! I don't remember just how long we were there, I just remember his little smiles when he'd glance my way, and the giggles I let escape, the giggles only he has ever been able to provoke._

_"I think that is all we are going to get now," he sighed standing from the spot we had been working. He offered a hand to me, pulling me from the soggy water logged ground and to within inches of him. I could feel his warm breath flushing my cheeks._

_I should have kissed him then, I should have grabbed him and never let him go, but I didn't._

_He walked me back to my building where he told me to make a strong cup of Earl Gray and get myself warm and dry…I wish he had been there to warm me, maybe if he had my eyes would be dry now, not wet with new tears of loneliness, I wish he was here to warm me up now, I feel so cold._

**verse two**

* * *

"Gil, Gil…" Catherine tapped his shoulder.

"What? Sorry Catherine, I was thinking," Grissom turned his chair back around from facing the wall.

"Not a problem thought I can't believe you didn't hear me come in, but anyway why I came…" she smiled sitting on the edge of his desk. "I was just talking to Greg and he says that he's got something interesting for us to look that," she lifted her eyebrows with excitement.

"Really?" Grissom tried to fight a smile but Cath's excitement was contagious, and he loved seeing her zeal for her work, it reminded him just why he kept on.

"Yep, says it could blow the case wide open," she nodded feeling overly bubbly.

He leaned back in his chair folding his hands.

"Well aren't you coming?" she laughed hopping from the desk, heading for the door. "Come on!" she grinned.

Grissom gave her a smile but if she had taken the time, she would have seen it was a sad smile.

* * *

"There you guys are! Ha, have I got something for you!" Greg was almost bouncing off the walls as Catherine and Grissom walked through the doors of Trace. 

"Are you going to show us?" Grissom interrupted Greg's "happy" dance.

"Yeah, sure Boss, it's right there," he pointed to two microscopes at the end of the table.

"In 'scope one we have fibers from under the nails of our vic and a sample from the shift we found at the Belcher's residence, in scope two we have glass from our champagne slash murder weapon and glass embedded in the shirt previously mentioned…" Greg grinned folding his arms in satisfaction.

Grissom moved to one microscope and Catherine to the other.

"Good work, Greg," Grissom announced after looking through his scope and finding the fibers from the victim and the suspects' shirt matched.

"Got a match here too, very nice Greggo," Catherine said with pleasant admiration.

"Thank you, thank you, I am after all the best," Greg gave a bow.

Catherine rolled her eyes and Grissom appeared not to notice.

"Cath I need to talk to you, my office," Grissom stated as he started out the partially opened door, without further comment.

"Yes, sir," Catherine gave a saucy salute before making a face at Greg, "Mr. Bossy Pants," she laughed putting a hand on Greg's shoulder 'Nice work, see you later, k?"

"You betchya," he gave her the thumbs up and a wink.

"So what's up?" Catherine asked entering Grissom's office.

"Close the door, please," he replied quietly, not looking from the X-Rays, he was scrutinizing at the left side of his office.

"Ya, know if we had an x-ray of a gastropoda we wouldn't see much, a very smart man told me that once…and that slugs, having both male and female sex organs, can reproduce without mating," she laughed leaning against a bookshelf.

Grissom chuckled at the memory "Yes, and if I remember correctly you replied 'makes custody a whole lot easier to prove'" he turned his face towards her and gave a small Grissom smirk.

She grinned happy that he did remember that night beneath the tree so many years ago.

"So what are we looking at?" she asked tipping her head to get a better look at the side view of a human skull.

"Do you remember when you asked me a few days ago if I heard you?" he asked quietly.

"Yep," she answered quickly.

He didn't make eye contact, and her face went ashen. She put the obvious pieces together and her mind swam, "Oh Gil…your mother!"

"Yes," the word was spat, his tone angry, hurt and full of disgust.

She closed her eyes for a second trying to slow her pulse, and process his words, "Can anything be done?" she whispered.

"That's what we are looking at now. The doctors think that surgery could help, if nothing else possibly slow the progression," he clenched his teeth, thinking about the other possibility, a possibility we wasn't willing to entertain, or voice.

"We'll beat this Gil, we will…" she felt a few tears fall from her eyes. She was overly emotional, maybe it was just a remnant from losing Eddie, maybe it was because she had been feeling lonely, maybe it was because for the first time she had allowed herself to feel for Gil, and now it seemed he would lose his hearing before she would gather the courage to tell him she loved him…

He saw her tears; tears were not something he could stand, not from her. It drove him mad, when she cried, when she hurt. He was reduced to a fumbling idiot when she was hurting, the car accident, he couldn't manage to say anything helpful. He couldn't stop her tears, he couldn't fix her. He had seen her cry at the hands of Eddie, because of physical pain, but now she cried because of him.

"I, I don't know when they will schedule the surgery or if they even will, but I was wondering if…" Grissom's words were interrupted by anther voice.

"Hey Cath, Grissom, you guys in here?" It was Nick.

"Yes, we'll be there in a second," Gil called back voice regaining its authority.

* * *

_He tells me that he is losing his hearing; he says maybe surgery will help. I wonder if there is a procedure that would give me courage, courage to tell him the three little words I've longed to tell him since that silly night in the mud, the three little words that seem to terrify me and shake me to the core. Those three little words change so much. Why now when all my heart wants to do is tell him I love him, my mind wont let me? I know that it might not be too long before he isn't able to hear me say it, I know that when you face something scary you need someone to care, to love you…I don't know what I would have done without Lindsey to love me, to help me through Eddie. All I want to do is whisper in his ear all those things that I dream about, that I hear run through my head daily. But I am a wimp._

_Maybe…maybe, just maybe we could go back, back under that tree and start all over, fix the mistakes, take it from the start; fresh. Do you think it works like that? …Me either, but I sure wish it did._

* * *

"Tomorrow," Grissom said cryptically sticking his head into the break room where only Catherine sat. 

Her mouth fell open realizing what the one word meant. He smiled and was gone again. She put her coffee cup down on the table and dropped her circle a word next to Grissom's long forgotten crossword and raced to find him.

"Tomorrow, really?" she breathed bursting through his office door.

He looked up from his paperwork, the paperwork that was upside down and backwards, his eyes betraying his masked anxiousness. He gave a nod.

"And are they optimistic?" she forced the sentence in a short burst, eyes imploring.

"Actually—yes," his smile lit up his whole face, making his blue eyes dazzle.

* * *

**NEXT, PART TWO: Crayons and Tears**


	2. Crayons and Tears

**AUTHOR:** RaeAnne  
**TITLE:** Crayons and Tears  
**DISLCAIMER:** see part one I haven't a clue who does Skidamarink, but not mine, I just learned it as a little girl.

**A/N:** Hi, here is the last part, this was a short story, but I enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Thank you so much for reading (and hopefully for reviewing :-) So for now, Happy Reading –RaeAnne

**PART TWO  
****Crayons and Tears**

_Tell him! Tell him, I urge myself over and over again, as I drive towards his house. Lindsey is in the backseat singing some song as she colors furiously, a picture for her Uncle Gil. I see her work as I glance in the rearview mirror and it warms my heart…she in so many ways reminds me of me, but it's her strength I wished I possessed._

_When I told her about Gil, she looked baffled for only a second then her eyes lit up and she smiled, "Uncle Gil will be okay, I know he will! I'm gonna make him a picture of me…you, him and all his bugs! So he can take it with him to hospital!"_

_I just melted the faith of a child, innocent and pure. I hugged her so fiercely she pushed me away, "Momma, I love you, but please…I can't breathe," she giggled._

_"Sorry, sorry," I laughed brushing away tears, "you're going to have to color in the car, we've got to get Uncle Gil," I smiled. She nodded going for her crayons and paper._

* * *

"Linds, sweetheart, I'm going to tell Uncle Gil we're here okay, I'll be just a second," Catherine said before leaving her SUV and heading toward the townhouse. 

She paused, hand poised to knock, but she couldn't do it. She wanted so bad to tell him, realizing that this might be her last chance. "It's now or never" Catherine exhaled.

Before she could act either way, silence or admittance, the door opened. Catherine looked blankly at Grissom who smiled shyly making the first move. He handed her an envelope, she looked shocked, unsure.

"Read it during my surgery," he nodded gaze falling to the floor. She nodded slipping it into her pocket.  
**  
verse three**

"Uncle Gil!" Lindsey's voice rung followed by a giggle as she hoped from the back door of the Tahoe, running towards her mother and Uncle Gil.

"Hey there, Itsy Bitsy," he smiled, calling her by the knick name that he had given her when she was two, when he taught her, his favorite nursery rhythm "The Itsy Bitsy Spider" it made her laugh, he never forgot her smile…just like her mothers.

"Hi! Will you pick me up, I've got something for you!" she grinned.

Gil obliged, lifting her effortlessly.

"I made you this! See?" she handed him her newly finished artwork.

"You did? Linds it's beautiful!" he chocked, looking at the picture.

"See this is me…I'm the short one…and that's you the tall one, and that's mommy in the middle," Lindsey beamed pointing to each one, "and those are all of your bugs!" she nodded with satisfaction.

"Thank you, it is the bestest, best present that I have ever gotten. It will go on the wall in my office," he kissed her forehead.

"You're welcome. I thought this way you'll always have picture of all of us to keep you company…especially while the doctors fix your ears," she grinned wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him close.

Catherine watched from a few steps behind and felt her eyes tear up.

* * *

_My daughter she can make me laugh, make me sigh, make me grumpy…she can make me cry…she can make Gil cry._

_My daughter knows people; she can tell when they are sad, when they're happy, when they need a hug. She's a child and children are pure, they see clearly._

_I've come to realize that I wish I could have back that innocence and unfettered view of the world, then maybe like my daughter I could throw my arms around Gil's neck and tell him "I'll love you forever" but I am an adult, I am jaded._

* * *

"Okay Mr. Grissom, you will be taken down to pre-op in just a few minutes," a nurse finished checking things on her chart, and turned out of the room. 

"Well Mr. Grissom, are you ready?" Catherine gave a lame attempt at a laugh as she echoed the nurse's prim and proper tone.

Gil looked up from the floor and stopped swinging his legs.

"I am because I have to be," he said plainly watching Lindsey hum and skip around a chair.

"Everything is going to fine," Catherine assured.

They stared at each other for what seemed like both an eternity and only a moment till "We're ready for you," interrupted them.

"Okay Gil…go get 'um...I…good luck," she stuttered before embracing him, her heart telling her to TELL HIM! She swatted at her tears.

He held her tight and close for an extended minute.

"I won't be needing that," Gil pointed to the wheelchair the nurse had brought it, pulling away from Catherine.

Catherine stifled a giggle as he hopped from the table and started out.

"Good luck, Uncle Gil, I love you," Lindsey rushed to him wrapping her arms around his waist.

Gil looked stunned putting his arms around her, "I love you too," he chocked on the words.

Catherine looked like she was about to cry out, but silence echoed in the empty halls.

"I am sorry Mrs. Grissom, you'll have to wait here," the nurse stopped Catherine.

"But I am not…" Catherine started.

"I'm sorry," the nurse shook her head.

Gil continued down the hall and Lindsey skipped around her mother singing, "Skidamarink a dink a dink…skidamarink a doo…"

Catherine laughed through a few tears, it made Gil turn. Her gaze met his; her heart was pounding in her ears.

"I…" Catherine whispered mimicking her daughters' actions, pointing to her eye "…love," her hands crossed over her heart, "…you…" she pointed to Gil, hand shaking.

"Skidamarink a dink a dink…skidamarink a doo…" Lindsey laughed not catching what had transpired between her mother and Gil.

* * *

_Did I really just do that? Did I tell Gil Grissom I love him by acting out a child's nursery school song? Did he know what I meant? That I truly meant I loved him…?_

_He's been in surgery now for a little more then an hour…the letter! I can't believe I only now remember the letter!_

_…Here it is, a bit wrinkled but I smooth it out._

_His writing is clear on the front of the small white envelope "Cath, I hope this finds a way into heart," my hands shake as I open it. The first lines make me sob, make me want to curl up and just re-read them over and over again._

**verse four**

**_"I know, my timing isn't the greatest, I know you may not feel the same. I know that I may after today never hear you say my name…let alone "I love you" but I have to tell you I've loved you since the day I met you. I have fallen more in love with you everyday since. I should have said something sooner I know, but I am saying it now. I love you. Even if I don't ever hear you say "I love you" know that love isn't just about words, its so much more and I would like to have the opportunity to show you every aspect of my love for you._**

**_I know I don't deserve you, I know that I am a man who shuts himself away from the world, from people, and often from you, but maybe…just maybe you can change me…"_**

**verse five**

_Tears, tears, lots and lots of them. I think I could have filled Lake Mead all by myself with the tears I've just cried. I love him, so much…_

* * *

"Mrs. Grissom? Your husband is in his room, you can go see him," a nurse stepped into the waiting room, Catherine didn't even bother correcting her. 

"Thank you! Yes, we want to see him! Is he okay?" Catherine rushed picking up a sleeping Lindsey.

"Right this way," the nurse led them.

They entered the room, Gil lying in the sterile white sheeted bed looking a little pale, sleeping.

Catherine put Lindsey in one of chairs before stepping to the bed rail. She ran her fingers through his hair carefully, more tears falling. She cupped his cheek realizing just how deeply her love, her need of him really was.

"I love you," she smiled leaning to kiss his forehead. "I love you… I love you…" she said again pulling back.

His eyes opened and she laughed brushing tears away.

"Hey there," she smiled finding his hand and squeezing it.

Oh, I love you

**verse six**

"It's good to hear you voice," he coughed, voice scratchy.

"Oh Gil!" she grinned.

"It's doesn't mean anything…yet…but" he paused coughing again, throat dry. He met her eyes and she blushed. He smiled lifting a hand to touch her cheek, "I am glad I heard you say those three little words I've wanted to hear for so long… you know I love you too."

She put her hand over his and because words wouldn't come, she just nodded.

:"Can I kiss you?" he asked with a sly grin pulling at the corner of his mouth.

"You better," she laughed.

He leaned up and she leaned down their lips meeting softly. It was perfect, it was love manifested.

**end verse**

**The End**


End file.
